We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
