Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
