You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
