My brain says no but my pants say off.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
