I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
