he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
