He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
