Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
