Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
