so explain again why im purple
no
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
