Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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