I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
