The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
