some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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