I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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