hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
