dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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