I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He passed out mid-signature
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
