This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
