The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
