Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
