worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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