I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
