the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
