Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
