Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
