Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
