could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
