Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
