dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
