I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
