You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
