I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
