gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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