Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish you could order shots online.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
God I need to hump something, right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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