It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
