The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You're like the curious george of whores
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
