That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
