I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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