Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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