I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
