Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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