I am puke
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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