On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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