just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
