Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
