That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
