yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
