he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
