Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize