You just made me feel so damn special
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
