I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
