So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
