Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
