Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
