Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
