i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
