Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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