Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
