i don't like sucking hair
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
