My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
