So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
