ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
