No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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