Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
