I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
