Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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