Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
