Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize