She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
